Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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