There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize