If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
