They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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