wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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