On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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