I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
