she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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