She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
