she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
