Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
