She is in my trunk
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
