My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
