I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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