I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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