the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
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