I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She's the barista slut.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
i think im in europe. pls send help
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
