They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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