I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
