Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
