Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
