You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
