Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
