I love black thongs
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
