there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
