State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize