Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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