I CAN MOONWALK!
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
