im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It's blow job season.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
