Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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