Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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