so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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