i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Let's get the cat blown out
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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