dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
