Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
