I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
