hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
