please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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