So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
