Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
