Fine. I'll sleep in my office
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
