I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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