I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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