Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
We are two peas in an std pod
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
