every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
