New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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