remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
