remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
