very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
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