I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
