i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
