Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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