how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
