Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
