Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
time to smoke my breakfast
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
