drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
