Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
