The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
