So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
