she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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