Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize