I don't remember. Are we still dating?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
