why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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