You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize