i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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