He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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