a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
