we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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