i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
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