so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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