I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
