i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
