I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
