Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
