Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
