Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
