on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
