she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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