He kissed a someone with a penis
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize
