I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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