I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
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