You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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