I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
