i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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