You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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