My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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