We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
