I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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