are you still at the devil's house?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
