she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
