Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
im holly from the hills drunk
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
