I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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