I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
