u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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