I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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