does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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