you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
