Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
They took my balls.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
