we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize