Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
