I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I can't put those talents on a resume
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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