Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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