my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
