made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize